REFLECTING ON MY 2020 CHOICES

Hi everyone!

I hope you’re all well. With the recent news of Lockdown 3.0, I am reflecting back on 2020 and looking at my goals, what I have achieved and what I will achieve.

I have recently started a degree in Business Management, this is something I have always aimed to do and would like to progress with Journalism. This came a light after my world got turned around August 2020, I received some upsetting news which made me hit rock bottom. Lockdown had affected my mental health, but the news I received I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. It is something I am still dealing with and have to live with. I turned to drink and drove my car half a mile which ended up with me losing my licence for a year. Full of regrets but onward and upwards, this is what pushed me to turn my life around.

I was recently diagnosed with severe PTSD November 2020 which I am now getting therapy for, 6 sessions in and I and I am doing great. For anyone that doesn’t know Severe PTSD is a mental health condition that’s triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms can include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event. I have experienced a lot of trauma in my childhood and adult life, I have witnessed and seen things I cannot explain.

I am so proud of myself for plucking up the courage to apply for open university after putting it off since 2016. I wanted to turn my life around and do something for me. I started this blog April 2020, I want to progress with my career, manage a company and write articles for magazines. I have recently been given another snippet to write in the Guardian (Not about Engagements this time) Long story…

I guess I should start by saying it probably seems totally random to many people. I work full time, I love to write, and I’ve loved having a blog. I want to say that I love this blog and my social media, I love updating my life on what I am doing, but keeping some stuff private still. Yes, you get the odd troll but predominantly, the people who follow me and who I speak to are truly amazing. I mean it from the bottom of my heart when I say you’ve all saved me in ways you can’t even imagine. I genuinely don’t know where I’d be if it wasn’t for all of you, who read what I write, follow me, like or comment or message me. It may seem small to you, but to me every small interaction is something that has helped me through so many different things in my life and for that I’ll be forever grateful. I can’t explain how blessed a life it is to lead, that when you’re going through crap, or feel at your lowest, and someone pops up to say ‘I hope you’re okay’ or even ‘I found this chocolate in a supermarket I think you’d like’.

I want to write and post and share. I want to help people by talking about things and letting people know that it’s okay to feel certain ways, and to be different, and to go through difficult things and that it will all be okay in the end. I have loved writing and reading since I exited the womb, and one of my life goals has always been to write a book, which I’ve promised myself I will do – but I guess the point I’m trying to make, in the most long winded way, is that I’ve felt lost during 2020.

I’ve felt like I wasn’t fulfilling my potential – and I don’t mean that in a bigheaded ‘I’m better than this way’ – what I mean is that I am so interested and passionate about helping people and writing, and I’m just generally someone who loves to learn, to read – and has always had a massive interest in Journalism. My goal for 2021 is to pass my first year of Business Management and focus on Journalism, I would love to become an agony aunt for newspapers/magazines.

Applying for a degree was a nerve wracking decision to make because 1) it’s a lot of money to spend and 2) I’m 23 and work full time! In all seriousness though, it has taught me that it’s never too late to do anything, or to start all over again. It’s your life, and it has limitless possibilities.

I am pretty sure I want to manage a company and write articles for magazines. I am being completely open minded and I am going to speak to as many people as I can in both careers Business Management and Journalism, and do as much research as possible to make sure that I make the right choice for me.

My life in 2020 turned upside down, hit rock bottom but some what picked me back up and I have blossomed. You want something, you need to go for it. You want to run a business, start a business, do a degree, get fit. DO IT! Do not sit and ponder, the world is your oyster, a couple set backs and you will have a major comeback.

All I know is that I am so excited for this new stage of my life, and I can’t wait to bring you all along with me!

Speak soon.

Peace, Love and Gin xoxo

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