It’s hard work trying to fall in love with yourself when all your life you’ve had people continually tell you and make you feel as if you just weren’t good enough.
With all the men in my history and let’s face it, there’s been a few, there’s been something. Something wasn’t quite right. Friends were the same. I’m always surrounded by people and now, I’m adored by those I know but it hasn’t always been that way. Every man I’ve been with has shaped me in one way or another. Two glasses of wine and I’m smashed. Three glasses of wine and the whole night escapes my memory. When did I turn into that girl?
I can’t keep falling in love with inappropriate men and making bad decisions.
Anyway, back to the topic, you should write a list of all the things you already love about yourself. All those things you actually don’t mind or wouldn’t want to change. How hard can this be? So I wrote a list…
What I love about myself…
I’M A HARD WORKER.
If I need to stay awake all night and get something done, I’ll stay awake all night. I’m always late with stuff but when it comes to my work, whatever it is at the time, I put my heart and soul into it. I’ve always worked every hour the day would allow and I still do now. For years I’ve had both a full-time job, for two years I have had a full time job during the week and a part time job at weekends working behind the bar in Club Icon in a night club. I have also started blogging, I have always loved writing and with my life … I could write a book. However I’m permanently glued to either my phone, my laptop or my next adventure, I wouldn’t want it any other way. I love my life. I love my jobs. I love what I do. I’ve worked hard to stick two fingers up to people and tell them I DID IT ON MY OWN! I have no choice but to make it work. I WANT to make it work.
I’M ALL FOR EQUALITY.
I like to think of myself as an equal to everyone else. Of course, I judge people and think I’m ‘better’ than some people but that’s because I’m a human being and I live in the current day and age. Everyone’s judgemental from time to time. I’ve accepted that it’s just a part of human nature. But I’m an equal more than anything else. I don’t think one person doesn’t deserve any less assistance or aid just because of where they’re from, who they are, what colour their skin is, what God they believe in, or anything. I don’t think anyone deserves something better than me or vice versa. We are all the same. Gay people should have as many rights as straight people. Men should live as women if they want to, and vice versa. I just want a world filled with love. Hate hurts my heart.
I’m also for equality in relationships and friendships. He should pay on the first date because that’s just the right (/ gentlemanly / romantic / chivalrous / old-fashioned / expected) thing to do but after that, I’ll happily pay my way. I’ll buy dinner. I’ll even buy him roses if he wants. I’ll do everything for him that I would expect him to do for me. I expect that from my relationships and my friendships. I wouldn’t ask someone to do something for me that I wouldn’t do for them, friend, lover, partner or otherwise.
I mean that in every sense of the word. I’m open-minded in life, love, sex, you name it. I’ll happily try everything once. If I don’t like it, I just don’t do it again. Or maybe I’ll do it a second time around just to make sure but then after that, I definitely won’t do it again. I like to think that being as open-minded as I am makes me a better person because I can see different sides of different stories. I’m known to be flaky – I often change my mind on something but normally put it down to just being ‘a women’s prerogative’. In reality I think it’s because my mind is open to seeing a different side. I’m not afraid to admit when I’ve made a mistake and need to change my mind / opinion. I’m not afraid to admit when I’m in the wrong.
I’M NOT AFRAID TO ADMIT WHEN I’VE MADE A MISTAKE.
I’m making this a point on its own. If I’m in the wrong about something, I just need a little while to calm down and realised I’ve fucked up. I will always come back and apologise with my tail in between my legs if it’s called for. Like the time I got drunk and hurled abuse at Bestie. The first thing I did in my hungover state was apologise profusely for being a complete and utter cunt. I’m an asshole when I drink. I really, really am.
I’M BRUTALLY HONEST.
If you’re pissing me off, you’ll know about it. If I’m upset about something, you’ll know about it. I’m brutally honest and sometimes I wish I wasn’t but again, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to love that side of myself. And I’m starting to give less of a shit about offending people if they’ve upset me first. I can be two-faced but normally it’s by accident. Most of the time, whatever I’m thinking just comes right out of my mouth and the more I think about how to say something, the more it’s likely to just come out in one wild outburst. And wrong.
That’s how I think it should be when you first say ‘I love you’ to someone for the first time and that’s something I’ve realised too as I’ve gotten older. You should say it when it’s the only thing you can think about saying. When it feels like it might burst from your mouth at any moment and you’re unable to hold it in any longer. When it’s everything to you right there in that moment. That’s how I think when I love someone. When not saying those words becomes more impossible than saying them. You know? Maybe secretly I’m really romantic too?
I KNOW WHAT I WANT FROM LIFE…
Now. And I know how to get it. Sometimes putting that into practice takes some work but I’m getting there. I want to be happy. I don’t want to be super rich or super famous. I don’t want to be the world’s best anything, blogger, writer, business-bitch… Anything. (Although it would be nice.) I just want to be me. I want to be me around someone who loves me for me, the good stuff and the bad. I want to find that special someone, keep doing my writing thing, work too hard sometimes and fight too much, and live happily ever after with kids, a dog, a cat and a family car in tow. Everything in between, where I live, what he looks like, what kind of clothes I wear, none of that matters to me. Not at all. And that’s something I’ve learned over the years. I’m not a superficial girlie and all that superficial shit means nothin’ to me.
I’m patient. I’m loyal… Usually. I’m friendly and I’ll talk to anyone. I’m independent. I’m funny… If you get my sense of humour. I’m short and good things come in short packages.
So…. I guess there are a few things I do love about myself. It’s not all bad. What do you love about yourself? When was the last time you gave yourself a break? Try it. It’s good for your soul… Apparently. I feel better anyway. In fact, I feel pretty good. It’s YOUR turn…
Ciao for now!